Thank god. I personally found having a baby/family and going through the experience of pregnancy in Dublin, painful. I often wonder if my baby would have been born “healthier” if I were in a cleaner environment. One where the streets are not plagued with garbage, drunk vomit, and cigarette smokers at every step. Did I make a mistake by not moving back to Cali or to Belgium early on in my pregnancy? Would things have been different, better, had I been in a calmer and healthier environment. So many people have children in Dublin; people who are far less healthy than me and their children seem to be born without any health concerns. So, it’s probably wasn’t Dublin’s fault. So, that leaves me…what did I do “wrong”- if anything? I can ask this question for the rest of my life but really all I want and care about is that my baby can lead a normal childhood, a normal adulthood, that her speech will not be impaired, that she won’t be teased or bullied. Every parent hopes for the same even if their child is born with the best odds. I guess I worry a little more because her odds are hindered. My husband always says, “She has the same chances in life as anyone else.” I find comfort in this.
It’s been nearly 3 years since I added an entry in my diary. The last 3 years have been amazing, chaotic, eventful, simple, exciting, and never dull. The reason I first started writing a blog was to share my experiences marrying outside of my culture and religion- sharing my challenges. After a few months of marriage, all that didn’t seem to matter anymore. I guess it’s because I never felt that my husband and I were from different worlds…only my family did. In the last 3 years, we have traveled a large portion of western Europe and had our first baby. Just 3 weeks ago, we had a little baby girl. We are over the moon but it has been a challenge. Being new parents is challenging as it is, especially without the help and support of family. We have an additional challenge as our daughter was born with a cleft palate. My diary has always been a place I can come to write my thoughts, share my experiences, and keep myself sane. I guess now that I’m facing another challenge in life, writing feels like a good way to keep myself strong for my baby girl and for my husband…for my family really. I think i’ll be writing daily or at least every other day to get my thoughts out in writing. From the pregnancy, to the birth, to the first few weeks as a new mom…it’s really been traumatizing! I think it’s time to put pen to paper, or in this case, fingers to keyboard and start clearing my mind.